Beefcake

Noah is a string bean. Actually string bean doesn't even cut it. Noah is tiny tiny tiny.Noah's size and his picky eating is a source of many a worry, argument and general cause of probably about 5 years off my life. I was a very small child, always the shortest and skinniest amongst my friends. While "skinniest" ended somewhere long ago, I still like to think of myself asl fairly petite and will always be short ( thank god for heels!). I am just "small boned". The thing is, I am a woman so petite isn't necessarily a bad thing. Noah is a boy, will someday be a man. While being "petite" works for Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox it doesn't necessarily work for all men. I don't want Noah to have the napoleon complex and I definetly don't want his little brother to tower over him.

Noah weighs about 25 pounds soaking wet. His height is about 36 inches. And while he FINALLY made the growth chart for his weight, it's hovering somewhere near the 3-5%.

Today at Rowen's 2 month visit he was just under 13 pounds, putting him in the 90% . Good Lord! I have a beefcake to go with my peanut. Poor Noah...his brother just may outweigh him by the time he is a year old .( BTW- Noah was 17 pounds at ONE!!!)

2 months

So Rowen, What's up?

I believe you weigh 12 pounds but we will see tomorrow at your checkup

You HATE tummy time but I think you hold your head up pretty good despite it

Still wearing size 1 diapers, 0-3 month clothes are getting snug and you wear a lot of 6 and even 6-9 month outfits

You smile is contagious, you are a happy little guy and are trying to laugh already

You LOVE your mama, you stare at me in crowds...melts my heart!

Your longest stretch of sleep was 6.5 hours but that was a fluke, most nights it's only 3-4.

You are a snacker, nursing only 5-8 min. at a time so I have been pumping and giving you a bottle

I think you are starting to look like me but with daddy's expressions

Noah has chilled out a bit but now that you have toy's and a playmate he likes to steal them every chance he gets, just wait until your a bit bigger...

Bring back that lovin' feeling...

Last night the husband and I had a bit of a disagreement. Said disagreement stemmed from some bedroom issues. I often struggle with the line of TMI ( too much info), what to share, what to leave in my head. Those who know me best know that there really isn't such a thing as TMI with me... so I will spill what's already seeping out of my brain.

Let's just say I don't feel sexy. There are times I feel good, even times when I feel attractive. These day's sexy has gone on vacation and I am not sure when she plans her big return. Women are different then men. For a man sex is primitive, and act, not so much something that takes a ton of emotional energy. Having a baby brings a whole new dimension to your womanhood, so does breastfeeding. How on earth do I want my breasts to be touched when half the time a baby is sucking on them and the other half I am hooked up to a milk machine. Dairy Queen anyone?

So that is where we differ. I am trying to find the balance between staying true to me and not being an old shriveled shrew. I am 29, my husband is 30. We are young. I need to put forth more effort and he needs to tap into the female side a bit. I guess it's all about balance. We need to balance better.

I took these pictures of myself. Exhibit A: bathing suit ( which is a while other post) Exhibit B: my clothes on. Exhibit C: Naked. Just Kidding. Obviously I didn't take any naked ( good lord, imagine??? ) But these are the three layers of me. Looking at them I feel good with my clothes on, not fat, not skinny...but just right.
The bathing suit? From the waist up, despite the pouch I am thinking it's not that bad. The Thighs? Didn't realize 138 on a 5'3'' frame looked that bad! ( note to self: step away from the pinot and cheese doodles)
Naked? EEEK! Once again adding another complexity to intimacy. Sometimes I think it's easier being pregnant, at least your belly is firm and you have an excuse to be tired. Plus your va jay jay is yet to be traumatized and morphed into an exit door.

Body image issues. Post Partum oddities. Breast complexities.

No wonder sex is so complicated.

It's a multi faceted issue.

Where to begin???

( Afterthought: I realize I am standing on my toilet taking these pictures, we don't own any full length mirrors so it's the only way I get to see what's really going on past my chest! These photo's have also served as an inspiration to tweeze the caterpillars, err I mean eyebrows that have taken over my face)

Hodge Podge

My mind is all over the place today. For starters my body starting aching yesterday afternoon. I have seriously been sick three times in the last 2 months. This aching started me thinking that I was dying...for reals. Of course my anxiety driven googling has me diagnosed with leukemia, MS and possibly lymes disease. Good lord someone stop this woman from googling. The aching got worse and worse as the night went on, eventually even my fingers hurt. When I got up with Rowen for his 1am feeding I realized my right breast was hurting. I take that back. My right breast was KILLING me. That's when my light bulb went off, not dying....MASTITIS. Upon further investigation and another google check I was about 90% sure this is what I am dealing with.

Now I am going to back track.....

In the midst of my aching we were at my parents house for sunday dinner. My mom made some frozen mango drink, we were enjoying some BBQ and Noah was playing in the kiddie pool. Nice relaxing afternoon. I served Noah some corn and rice and a few pieces of hot dog. No major expectations but he loves corn and rice so I figured he would at least have that. Close but no cigar. Since I am trying to adopt the new attitidue that it's only my job to offer the food and it's Noah's job to eat as much or as little as he wants I let him down from his chair and that was that....or so I thought.

Randomly Noah started asking for chicken nuggets which my mom was all out of. My husband offers to take Noah to Wendy's. Queue my shit fit. I do realize PMS and synthetic hormones may have contributed, as well as the brewing infection in my boob but this just really ticked me off. Trying not to start a fight in front of Noah I calmly explained that dinner was served and he didn't want it and fast food wasn't an option. It then got better. My parents decided to chime in and offer their 2 cents, siding with my husband who at this point was strapping Noah in the car seat on his way to Wendy's. My parents are now throwing shots at my parenting skills and I was trapped in my childhood bedroom wanting to punch someone, namely my husband. I suddenly felt 17.

Noah and Jesse return a short while later, Jesse boasting that he ate 6 nuggets. So when he weighs 300 pounds or is anorexic I'm sure somehow the mother will be to blame. Thanks. This food battle is a never ending circle and I have visions of stopping for nuggets on the way to Thanksgiving Dinner when he is 12. Sigh. Of course Noah, being the smarty pants that he is picked up on the tension, turned around and said the " F" word.... the F word. Totally my fault and adding to my already guilt ridden haze. This starts a whole other tirade from the rents' about how I curse too much and yadda yadda yadda. Then it happened. My dad, Mr. "you are horrible for your kid knowing the F word" tells me to cut. the. shit.

Guess what happens next?

Noah turns around and yells " You cut the shit Papa". Embarassed or guilty...maybe a little of both, my dad gets up, slamming things, grumbling and walks out. GRREEEATTT way to end sunday dinner. So we leave, kinda of like " what the hell just happened", a little confused, a little mad...just crappy.

So when I call my parents this morning to see if my mom will watch the boys so I can get my infected bubbie looked at, she doesn't answer her phone. OH and when she does she has an attitude and won't help me out. Are you serious???

So at this point, achy, feverish and with a red hot tata I realized making a trip to the gyno with my almost 3 year old son ain't happening. Really bad timing for a fight with the parents.

Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow with all my lady parts in tact

Falling in love

My mother once described "falling in love" with her children, she explained that while of course you love your baby, that "head over heels to die for" feeling came a bit later, each day growing more and more in love with your little person. I didn't get this until I had my own children and day by day the intensity of my love grew. Rowen has been smiling up a storm these past few days and I just can't help fall in love deeper and deeper with each little grin....

10 on the 10th

Noah has his "day of the month birthday" on the 10th so I thought this would be a fun way to keep track of everything he is up to:


Noah you are 32 months old today! here is what you have been up to:


- You went on your 1st carnival rides last night and LOVED it

- Currently your favorite movie is Toy Story

- For some reason you keep tellings us you want a sponge bob 3rd birthday party but you never watch the show!

-You tried hot dogs finally but didn't exactly love them

- You called the ice cream place "Disney World"....as in "ahhhh, look, disney world" when we pulled in the parking lot...hahhaha

- You weigh 25 pounds and that finally makes you in the 3% for weight! ( you wear 3T shirts and 24 month pants, which are quickly becoming capri's!)

-You ask for chocolate milk every morning first thing, it's like your coffee

- Speaking of coffee, coffee ice cream is your favorite flavor

- You finally figured out how to jump a few months back and so now you jump, all. the. time.

- Your transition to becoming a big brother has been a huge change but you are handling it pretty good ( although you get insanely jealous when anyone is holding or paying attention to Rowen!)

Feeling hot hot hot'

We are in the midst of a heat wave here in the fine state of New York....actually I am pretty sure the entire eastern seaboard in sweltering in this mess. Coincidently our babysitter is on vacation this week. So are my parents. What exactly does this mean for me? Well for starters we do have central air, so there is some light at the end of this very hot tunnel. However, a newborn, a 2.5 year old and a mama stuck in the house for DAYS starts to equal disaster around day three. Bored is an understatement. I am starting to feel trapped and I am sure Noah is as well. We have watched Monster's Inc. three times, more episodes of Zaboomafoo that I can count, Elmo at the beach...and Elmo Dinosaurs. Oh and Frosty The Snowman, at his request Noah watched it four times in a row yesterday. Do I feel guilty rotting his brain with t.v. ? Sure I do....however there is only so much coloring, truck playing, snack making that I can do...especially with a demanding little newborn on my hands. The icing on the cake is that my husband is working not five days, not six days but SEVEN days this week.

S.O.S, seriously. I'm craving some adult company in a major way. Oh and seeing the light of day would be nice too. Maybe this is fate's way of showing me maternity leave isn't all that great..... hey, keep telling yourself that lady =P