It all began in 1999, October 23 to be exact. My friend was going on a date and wanted me to tag along. We were 18 ( almost 19) and had just started college. Who the hell tag's along on a date??? I was not going to be a 3rd wheel....so I told her she had to have her date bring someone for me. Guess what happens next? J ( future hubby) was that date. He was tall, dark and handsome- seriously the cutest boy I had ever seen. Both of us were these little lost souls. He was heavy into the rave seen of the late 90's, having trouble at home. I was so insecure, recovering from bulimia and trying to find my way in college. This could have been the total recipe for disaster but instead we were exactly what we both needed! Digital camera's were just starting out so I don't have any pics from those days on my computer but that's the start...
1999 went out with a BANG and we rang in the new millennium together( finally I will spare some details). The early 2000's were spent falling in love, working mindless jobs, going to school, traveling- the run of the mill things you do when your young ,in love and on the brink of finally discovering yourself.
Here we are in 2003. I was so in love but it was a CArazy love. The honeymoon was definitely over at this point and some weird hormonal puppy love was in full drive. Only we were 22 not 16. We had both just transfered schools, he was majoring in business and I in social work. I wish I would have just relaxed and enjoyed the ride but I was so hung up on the future that I didn't enjoy the present. In the wise words of my grandfather ..." If only I knew then what I know now"
J and I traveled a lot, most of it was new england trips to Boston almost monthly, Maine, The Cape. We did go to Ireland for Spring Break in 2004. During this time we fought and we fought HARD, my father telling me often that a "leopard will never change his spots" ( HA!) But we also loved each other with all our hearts and I think we both knew we would end up together "someday". I was once again in the habit of trying to rush my life and really really REALLY wanted to get engaged. J was not ready for marriage but we did move in together that summer. I applied to a bunch of grad schools and was too chicken shit to move to Boston, so I went to Fordham and shacked up with my boyfriend hoping for a ring....
( this picture is from a party during our last weeks in college- I was so drunk, so skinny and SO needed a good hair brushing...)
I started Fordham in August 2004, I had done an advanced standing undergrad program and got my master's in a year at only 23 ( woot woot). I had landed a great internship working with children with a wide range of developmental disabilities and felt like I finally found my place in the workforce.
J and I got engaged on December 8th 2004. He was so excited to give me my ring that he proposed, naked, in our bedroom. Not very romantic but SO us! I spent the next year planning my wedding ( and job hunting). My mother and I really bonded during that time and it was so exciting. I graduated from Fordham that May with my MSW and started my current job that June. This was the start of our "adult" life.
This picture is from my Rehearsal dinner, September 30, 2005- The day before my wedding I came down with an awful cold. Lucky for me that was the worst thing that had ever happened to me before that day. HA! Seriously...I was so tragically upset I have to laugh. The night of my rehearsal dinner I spent puking, crying, and hacking. By the next day I was somewhat "recovered" but I did lose my voice on my honeymoon.
Honeymoon October 2005- although for some reason I look tired I needed to throw in this picture to totally attention whore my stomach which is looking mighty fine if I do say so myself. Now I bear the body scars of having two kids in 2.5 years but I am o.k with that....really I am =) I should tape this picture to the fridge to remind me that NO I don't need ice cream
Summer 2006, last summer before pregnancy and babies. I wish I enjoyed it more but then again you can never realize how things are going to change..until they do and that is just part of life. I am shocked at how young, skinny and happy we looked. Did we feel that good too? probably not. I was probably hot, we were camping so I am sure I was pissed about something. If I ever knew what was to come!
This is the only picture I have of us from the day Noah was born, he was fine initially so we snapped a few pictures. Then things got ugly a few hours later so this is all I have. I didn't take any pictures of him in the NICU because at the time I thought I would never ever want to see pictures of my baby like that. In this picture I am bloated, exhausted, numb, excited..you name it. I had no idea what was to come, the good, the bad and the ugly. I get choked up when I look at this because that was such a happy and yet such a devastatingly horrible day for us. It all just really really sucked for lack of a better word. But we are moving on....so no more about that!
Spring/summer 2008- the shock of what we went through with Noah was starting to wear off and we were so so in love with our little man. Once again I thought I looked fat and haggard but now I am thinking we looked pretty good! Our marriage was definitely strained at this point, a new baby born with health issues, building a new house and all the "big people" responsibilities....things were scary stressful! I was in the throws of post partum depression and in full on "survival mode". It's sad to say but this was one of the lowest points in my life.
New Years Eve 2008/2009. We had moved into our house in November, Noah turned one, he was happy and thriving. We were starting to find our normal. This night we went out to dinner, the three of us. Long gone were New Years Parties but we were so o.k with that! After Noah went to bed we went in our new jacuzzi and had champagne. Nice memory!
June 2009- I had just had a miscarriage, the "accidental" pregnancy that i wanted so badly and my husband, not so much. This made trying again difficult and made for some emotional fights. I had put on almost 10 pounds with that brief pregnancy and aftermath period....probably from drinking way too much wine at night. This was a weird time for us, I was not happy and I doubt my husband was either. The worry and exhaustion of the last few years was bursting and we were just in a "weird" place. Little did I know I would conceive Rowen two months later....once again I wish I could tell myself it would all be o.k!!! ( the picture was taken at Noah's Little Gym graduation, he was 17 months)
October /November 2009- Fall has always been a renewal season for us and this one was no exception. I was newly pregnant and suffering from awful morning sickness. My entire pregnancy ( albeit scary with worry) was a pretty peaceful and exciting time for us. I was trying my hardest to enjoy my pregnancy and not let fear consume me. Easier said than done. Noah turned two and was fastly becoming the smartest little guy around.
February / Winter 2010- feeling good! Pregnancy is going smooth and we found out it's another BOY! My pregnancy with Rowen was such a happy time. I love being pregnant....I should be a surrogate
March/April 2010- Last leg of my pregnancy with Rowen Francis, happy, healthy- it's all we can ask for. I was doing pretty well with keeping my worry and emotions about Rowen's birth under control ( or maybe to myself) but had started to get very anxious at this point. I just wanted to meet my little man and see that he was o.k! I was physically very ill at the end of my pregnancy with vomiting and fevers, I couldn't wait to have him OUTSIDE my body!
Lastly, May 16, 2010- 24 hours after giving birth. Good Gah! I look scary....but oh so very happy!! Relieved does not even come close. I would have run out of that hospital if I could!!! I was so sure that if we stayed they would tell me something....anything.... was wrong. I also needed to get home to Noah who was living off of goldfish crackers thanks to my mother's inability to say no to him!
As for my relationship with my husband? Let's just say we have found that lovin' feeling again, although we are changed...for the better and for the worse, tis' life I guess. No one said love is easy, or marriage, or parenthood for that matter. But what would my life be without all those crazy beautiful twists and turns? You live and learn, your grow and change....but we still have each other and that's all that matters.
So here we are, what a wild bumpy ride it has been....
No comments:
Post a Comment